Four Sucky Harlequin Presents

As promised, today I'll be sharing with you the low-down on the remaining Harlequin Presents novels - these four are those that I didn't care for at all. The explanations for that may sound no different than my reason(s) for enjoying one or another HP titles (as detailed in multiple previous bloggings), but I hope that won't be the case. But since I still don't have a handle on why these are such guilty pleasures for me, I can't make any promises.

First up is the title I alluded to at the end of yesterday's entry - The Hired Fiancee by Lindsay Armstrong. Here's the back cover blurb:

The engagement assignment!
Vivian badly wanted to win an advertising account with Lleyton Dexter's company - but enough to spend a week with him? Lleyton clearly considered it a fair exchange. He needed a fiancee to deter matchmaking relatives and Vivien would simply be playing a role.

It was a business arrangement, Vivian told herself. Only, the tension between her and Lleyton was anything but professional. It felt excitingly personal - almost as if their pretend attraction was for real?

As ridiculous as it sounds, there have been times when premises like this have worked for me. This book didn't succeed - but it wasn't really the premise that was the problem. It was the back and forth animosity/growing relationship/lust/animosity... circle that ruined this book. And then there's the big whopper. I don't know what the exchange rate is for U.S. dollars and Australian money, but after ending a fake engagement - or a genuine one for that matter - how believable would it be for a man to throw a $50,000 engagement ring into a river, and to then donate a like amount to charity? I don't care how rich somebody is, that's insane! My grade for this one is a C-. And, btw, the other books I'll be detailing tonight earned D level grades. I couldn't trade The Hired Fiancee without telling you about the ring, though.

Next up is Lynne Graham's The Italian Boss's Mistress. The back cover blurb reads:

Her first assignment is...
to sleep with her boss
A misunderstanding leads Pippa Stevenson into Andreo D'Alessio's bed. He is a fabulous lover, but all the same, Pippa is overcome with shame because he's her boss!

However, now Andrea has decided that he wants Pippa all to himself, in the boardroom and the bedroom! But business and pleasure are a tricky mix, and soon Andrea needs to find a way to persuade Pippa to accept his new proposition - to promote her from mistress to wife!

This one earned a D+ from me. The premise, Andreo as new owner of a company, decides that the unkempt-looking woman up for an important job not get it; he doesn't realize she's one of his best employees, and the job instead goes to Pippa's boss' girl-toy.Pippa, smarting over the news that she lost out because of her appearance, attends the company party introducing Andreo after having a total makeover. She's sure the new owner is a total pig and Andreo, who doesn't bother to tell her who he really is, is fascinated by this lovely creature. They share a night of passion (she loses her virginity to boot!), and when she learns her lover is the same man who cost her the job she wanted, she's destroyed.

Eventually Andreo worms his way back into her good graces, but Pippa doesn't trust him at all, sure that he's a total love-'em-and-leave-'em type. They're both falling in love with each other, but Pippa is determined not to love a man she knows she cannot have a future with, and when she sees him with his previous lover, she runs away from England to France without giving him a chance to explain.

Now, Pippa isn't the only jealous one - Andreo believes that Pippa loves a man in France, only to learn that the man is her best friend's husband, whom she doesn't really like at all. Somehow Andreo is invited to stay at their country manor and surprises Pippa there. This is a theme that repeats itself for the remainder of the book. Andreo chases, Pippa runs, Andreo chases. The woman should have been hit over the head with a cudgel for stubborn obtuseness! Add a secret pregnancy, a car accident, and sappy declarations of true love and you've got the gist of this gasbag of a book.

The final two books to share are the second and third books in a trilogy written by Carole Mortimer - The Unwilling Mistress and The Deserving Mistress - I've less than no desire, if that's possible, to ever read the first. Only in HP-land would women who don't actually sleep with their men be called "mistresses." I'll share the back cover blurbs and then discuss them together...they share similar flaws, although one's even sillier than the other:

The Unwilling Mistress:

MARCH CALENDAR:
Single and determined to stay that way... certainly while Will Davenport's around. He may be the most eligible bachelor March has ever met, but he's also the most lethal! She'll never get involved with a man who plans on destroying her family's business!

WILL DAVENPORT:
Single and on a mission to buy the Calendar family's farm for redevelopment. But when he meets the feisty March, he's hooked. Perhaps he can do a deal that will bring the best of both worlds -- satisfaction for March and for him. But is March willing to sleep with the enemy?

The Deserving Mistress:

She can't be his mistress...
May Calendar has spent most of her life looking after her family. So she's not about to let anyone take her home or livelihood. Especially not arrogant property tycoon Jude Marshall!

Jude is charming and sexy -- and he's determined to wine and dine May. Doesn't she deserve a little fun? After all, this romantic interlude can't last too long. Jude's the kind of guy to want a mistress, not a wife, and May can't let attraction take over -- she's got a family, a living and a secret to protect!

These books confuse ridiculously overblown writing for chemistry and characterization. It's hate at first sight for the two Calendar sisters and the men they come to love. Apparently sweet and reasonable women practically foam at the mouth with obnoxious behavior throughout most of the book when they are with their heroes. These are the kinds of books that give me a headache from all the contrary behavior.

My grade for The Unwilling Mistress is a D - my grade for its sequel is a straight D-. If things weren't bad enough with the former, the latter, The Deserving Mistress, features a "big secret" that isn't a big secret at all to anyone with half a brain. Guess I just squeaked by there.<g> Not only that, the hero is so incredibly arrogant that it's somewhat understandable why the heroine is such a full-blown bitch around him - somewhat, but not really. How books this silly got published is frankly beyond me, and as you've gleened from reading my blog over the past couple of months, I can withstand quite a bit of silly stuff. But there's silly fun and silly crap, and these two are most assuredly of the latter variety.

I hope to get back to some good Romantica next time around. See you then.

TTFN, Laurie Likes Books

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